Well, it's been a while hasn't while hasn't it?

Oy!

Talk about it being a while now hasn't it?

Well, if you're still checking in, (I ask you, WHY!?) then I will have to apologize for the long absence.  So very very sorry to have been gone for so long.

Last time I was here, I hadn't as of yet, started back to school.  As you can imagine, I'm something of an emotional/stress eater.  Yep.  All the hard work put in gone.  I've gained back all the weight and then some.  I had gotten up to 293/4 (can't recall off the top of my head which) and I've taken some of it off since getting semi-serious about getting back into the groove of things.

When I was doing this before, I had started as a means to get healthy.  Then it became something that I did for a way to seek out exactly why I was wanting and needing to lose the weight.  Was it purely for intrinsic reasons? Or were there extrinsic factors at play?  For that I can't say.  I don't know.  I'm not that good at self-analysis.  However what I will say is this....

I liked how I felt before when I was losing weight and had things under control.

That being said.  How exactly do I get back to where I was?  The Man and I started out doing this together.  He lost a ton of weight and once he had hit his goal, I guess, I lost interest.  Nobody to compete with.  I guess I have to make it interesting for myself or else my ADHD kicks in and I lose interest.  So I guess, I just figured out why I fell off the WW wagon.  Now I just have to climb back on.

The past little over a year or so in review....

•  I went back to school so that I could no longer be an LPN (low paid nurse) but an RN (real nurse) and be able to have more opportunities open up for me professionally speaking.
• Which got me to thinking about the weight I lost.
• How can I in good conscience be an effective medical professional when I'm obviously unhealthy?
• Get back at it was my answer
• I finally got a "real job" in my field! Woohoo!  However, shifty things are afoot.  So how long it lasts is anyone's guess.
• At school I started working in the lab.  I help underclassmen with their assignments, mentoring, tutoring (to an extent) and in some instances, actually end up teaching.  Because yanno, the damn brats don't pay attention to begin with and listen the first time when they are in class, lol.  
• I was the first responder not once but twice for the barnacle.  Which got me to thinking some more.
• If I don't get this weight off, will I end up like her? Like my father?  He died at 52 from a heart attack.
• Yeah, it could very seriously happen
• I became a vegetarian
• For the exact reasons stated above.
• Yes there are days where I still occasionally eat meat.  However I try to limit how often and it's never red meat, usually only chicken.
• I got a Fitbit to help me in tracking my progress. 
• I use it to track
• Steps walked
• Water drank
• My daily blood sugar
• Oh yeah, and I drink a TON more water!  

So those are the things I've done in the last month to get started.  Now I'm back here doing this.  I always believed in order to be successful at losing weight you HAVE to track everything!  I noticed, when I stopped tracking is when I started eating poorly.  When I stopped blogging/journaling and having "someone" to answer to, the same, I started eating poorly.

So here it all is.  The good, the bad and the fat.  I still am not looking to be thin, just healthy and a good role model for those I plan on taking care of.

Here's a little tip from your old pal...

When having to have a fasting lab draw...

Make sure that you actually REMEMBER that you're going to be getting it done one and two, don't try to wait too late in the day to compensate for the time (meaning if the last time you ate was around 11pm...remember that fudge?) and you're trying to hold off eating because of the fasting lab draw (fasting labs need to be done after a fasting of 10 - 12 hours of no eating) .... just reschedule.

Yeah, dumbass me, forgot last night that I was having the labs done today so I had my fudge last night.  While wonderful and delicious then, I'm paying for it now, lol.  So I've conceded defeat for this day, I've not given up the battle.  I'll just start my fast again tonight and make sure to not eat after 8pm.

Now to make sure that The Wonder One doesn't tempt me! lol

So this is what I find...

Over on The Wonder One's Facebook Wall...

Problem: during weekly weigh-ins, it was hard to see exactly where the arrow on the scale was pointing. Solution: I taped a magnifying glass to an old broom handle. Now I can read the numbers just fine. Only thing is, Shannon is worried about the glass and handle adding weight. I don't think it really makes any difference.

Now seriously  Cheerleaders....you've been following me long enough to know me...


Wouldn't you be worried?


Especially if you're holding this?

Now granted, he just HAD to put the doodad on the scale to see how much the contraption weighed.  Next to nothing.  But STILL, it DID weigh....something...


Next question...


Does it work?


Yep.


It works.


He's still going to hold the damned thing!  I'll be damned if I will!!!  Hey! If I'm going to the trouble of getting bare ass naked to weigh in...then he can hold the bloody thing!


Weigh in Cheerleaders (okay, poor choice of words there) tell me what your thoughts are.


Should I hold it, or should he?

Here's a first...

Well, I had my first interview for a new job the other day and it went well.  Very pleased about that.  Looks to be that I may have a second.  So I wanted to be prepared to have a second interview.  It was just a matter of "what in the hell do I wear?"

Everything I own is either out of date or to big.  Or the clothing I would find appropriate I got rid of when I left banking. Shit.  Now what?  Because then I'm left with clothes that are too casual or just to darned big.  I don't want to go to an interview dressed to casually or sloppy.  That's just not the message I want to send to the interviewer (my potentially new boss).  So I grabbed Queenie and we decided to kill time while waiting for the Wonder One and his brother (Queenie's husband) to get back from vacation (we were picking them up from the airport) and we went to Easton to go to Lane Bryant to take a look around to try to find something to work with what I already have to expand my wardrobe a bit.  Even though I've gone down a size I'm still shaped like an upside down light bulb (dammit) so when putting on pants to fit my hips and butt, the waist is huge and you can see my undies.  I totally hate that.  I didn't want to try a skirt or a dress because I didn't want to have go through the wrestling match that would ensue of having to put on pantyhose.  If I wear a dress or skirt I try to style it so that I can wear it with my riding boots that are knee high.  So then I end up wearing leggings under the skirt/dress/boots. 

So I stopped frustrating myself and started trying on sweaters.  While trying on sweaters, Queenie handed me a sweater in a different color, unbeknownst to me at the time in a smaller size.  Yep, as you guessed it, the smaller size fit!  Woohoo! 

Queenie is always doing that.  She is the only one who sees where I've lost the weight.  When I can't see it, she does.  So she is the one who will grab the smaller size and thrust it in my hand for me to try it on. 

I have to say, I am ever so grateful to have her in my life!

Another battle

There's a community on Facebook (yeah I know the great time suck of the 21st century) that I've become involved with where the members (well most of them) I've come to feel a kinship with.  A lot of these people I feel are brothers and sisters who really get me.  None of them have ever made me feel different or god forbid, inferior, for being what am, which is, fat.  Oddly enough I feel like for many of these individuals if I were to ever actually meet these people and see them eye to eye, I'd see myself reflected back.

All for the love of make-up.  lol, Yeah, you read that right.  Oddly enough.  I know it may sound strange to you, but consider this...what is your hobby?  Well, ours isn't toy models, beanie babies (although at one time I did collect them, lol) or some such, for this collective group, we collect and yap about make-up.  A variety will blog about it, others do videos on YouTube, some do both.  I don't do either, I just show up, throw in my two pence, act goofy and at the end of the day try to add perspective and try to be goofy and have some fun with it all.  But then again, I try to do that with everything.  That's just me.  The goofy one.

Recently while talking to a friend, I made mention the strange behavior of one of the individuals of our group.  Someone who I had felt the need to put on ignore because she posts snarky, often hateful/hurtful comments about others then (so it would seem) lets the drama unfold (or lets the poopoo splat against the wall as it were) then when others would come to say "Hey, that's not right. This is a drama free zone, you shouldn't do that" she gets defensive and/or snarky (for those of you who don't know what snarky means...snarky = bitchy) and then she'll delete her posting.  I'm of the opinion you either do one of two things.  You either ball up to your original post and stand behind it and deal with the fall out as it were, or you just don't post at all.  As my grammy always said...(say it with me class) "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" So my friend to whom I was talking to, says "maybe she was having a bad day..." that sort of thing, so I give this individual the benefit of the doubt and take her off of ignore.  BIG mistake.

So all that's said to say, this particular person made her typical snark n' dash post.  When another person, myself and several others posted saying, first off that the originator of the page wanted a drama free zone, maybe it was best to start a page of her own so that she could have a place to snark about what she wanted to snark about and others put in their two pence, then voila her post disappeared.  Surprised?  Me neither *shaking head* In my original statement to the individual on her posting, I stated that it was because of her types of snark n' dash comments that I put her on ignore, but because I thought maybe she was having a bad day I'd give her the benefit of the doubt I took her off of ignore, because I consider myself a fair person.

Reasonable?  Apparently not.  I get a snark-o-gram in my inbox.

What the hell?  Was I not just trying to be reasonable and explained my position and why I did what I did and didn't I just ask for this person to stop being snarky?  So what do they do but to bring it to my front doorstep?  I once was described as a double stuffed Oreo cookie by an ex-boyfriend.  I looked at him like he was nuts.  He said "Yeah, because your hard as hell on the outside, but on the inside, your a big ole softie!"

While using food to be compared to isn't exactly my idea of a good idea, given how hard I'm  working to lose weight, but I got where he was coming from.  While it rubbed me sideways that she had the gall to send me the snark-o-gram, I decided it was just best to withdraw from the community in general.  She's just as big a part of the community as I am, if not more so because she does YouTube and what not and has her following.  I don't want to put anyone in the middle.  This isn't junior high (although based on her behavior, you'd never guess it.) and I won't expect anyone to take sides, nor would I want to.

This is more about explaining why I've done what I've done.

Once I can do what I need to do to protect myself from snark, I'll be back.

Don't worry.

**UPDATE**   lol I truly do love these people.  After having some time offline, I sign back on to find that I've been inundated with messages asking what's happened and what not and things won't be the same and that I have to come back and so on and so forth.  Whether it's through human nature to stare at the car accident as you drive by (being nosy) or you're truly concerned (you want to check to see if anyone is hurt so you can give first aid), these are a great bunch of people, whatever the reason they've asked.  I'm not going to doubt their sincerity.  So I deleted my goodbye post and am treading lightly for the time being.

Just because.

Will my torment never end?!

Had a really bad day today, ended up being hateful and really REALLY pissed off, so I figured a good healthy way to deal with all that pent up anger and frustration would be to go to the gym and hammer it out on the treadmill.

This is me on the treadmill...

Only not so much running as it were but stomping it out to the B.E.P.'s, OutKast, Shakira, Sean Paul & Eminem.  Getting a good sweat up really helped to push out the toxic effects of all that hatefulness and anger I was feeling.

But then along up on the next treadmill beside me come little miss ragdoll thang.  Cute, perky, flinging her hair back over her shoulder, batting her eyelashes at herself in the mirror (and yes, she WAS in full make-up with silver...yes I said it..silver eyeshadow!) and cranks up her treadmill to 8 mph.  Yeah I had the nerve to cop an attitude when she starts running even faster and flailing her arms then every so often hangs onto the dashboard of the treadmill and then her legs start running out to the side.  Her sloppy form makes her look like Forrest Gumps' little sister, drunk on Jagermeister and Red Bull and about to tap another ball of crack!  All the while batting her eyes and flinging her hair!  I was getting dizzy for her just watching in the mirror.  All I could do was turn up the music and put my head down and pray to God she never loosened the grip that she had on the dashboard of the treadmill.  Yeah, with all the hair flipping and eyelash batting, I think she was making herself dizzy enough to fall down. 

Images of George Jetson flitted into my mind.........

No lesson learned today, just glad I got to the gym to work out and to work it out.  Feels good to get it done.  After last weeks good weigh in, I've had a decent week.  Tomorrow's weigh in I'm looking forward to and yet I'm not.  I'm looking forward to seeing what the scales say......but then again.......it IS the beginning of the month *ahem* so I'm not expecting any miracles here.  So we'll see what happens.

Hugs & Toodles

Used and Abused

At least that's how the evil one has me feeling today.

I've got muscle's in my abdomen that I didn't know I had!  I know that I have them because they freaking HURT!  They hurt because no matter what direction I move, they scream, they moan...I whimper.  People stare.

It's embarrassing.  Yes, I went back today.  Barbie clone (different girl who wants to be just like the barbie girl from yesterday...yanno, just as cute and annoying) didn't want to be bothered with me because the evil one was working at another location so she tells me "the more cardio you do, the faster you'll see results!"  Which is fine, I don't mind this, as she puts me on the recumbent bike and walks away.  Except this is when I find out that my iPod needs to be plugged in daily or it won't work.  The little fucker is a power hungry energy beast.  SHEESH.  I need you people to warn me of these things!  As it was barbie clone puts me on level 2 and says "I'll see you in 15 minutes then we'll get you on the elliptical machine, THEN we'll put you BACK on the treadmill, K?" all perky, like.  I had this brief day dream of me crushing her smile with my cell phone and smiling back with the same perky smile "K!".  But I climbed on and did the best I could for 11 minutes at level 1 stopping and starting repeatedly.  Hey, I figured this was my second day.  I'll progress and get better. I know I will, I just need time, and it'll be my way of seeing progress.

It was at this point my butt just couldn't take the seat, I climbed off and looked around for the clone, she was no where to be found.

Yep, you guessed it, splitsville to God only knows where.

So I left.  I cut my workout short.

Don't worry it.  I was mildly irritated.  Given the level of stiffness and soreness today following yesterday, it's probably a good thing.  I'll go back tomorrow.  Give it another go with a lower body workout and a try at the core again.

Tomorrow's just another day and workout away.