Well, it's been a while hasn't while hasn't it?

Oy!

Talk about it being a while now hasn't it?

Well, if you're still checking in, (I ask you, WHY!?) then I will have to apologize for the long absence.  So very very sorry to have been gone for so long.

Last time I was here, I hadn't as of yet, started back to school.  As you can imagine, I'm something of an emotional/stress eater.  Yep.  All the hard work put in gone.  I've gained back all the weight and then some.  I had gotten up to 293/4 (can't recall off the top of my head which) and I've taken some of it off since getting semi-serious about getting back into the groove of things.

When I was doing this before, I had started as a means to get healthy.  Then it became something that I did for a way to seek out exactly why I was wanting and needing to lose the weight.  Was it purely for intrinsic reasons? Or were there extrinsic factors at play?  For that I can't say.  I don't know.  I'm not that good at self-analysis.  However what I will say is this....

I liked how I felt before when I was losing weight and had things under control.

That being said.  How exactly do I get back to where I was?  The Man and I started out doing this together.  He lost a ton of weight and once he had hit his goal, I guess, I lost interest.  Nobody to compete with.  I guess I have to make it interesting for myself or else my ADHD kicks in and I lose interest.  So I guess, I just figured out why I fell off the WW wagon.  Now I just have to climb back on.

The past little over a year or so in review....

•  I went back to school so that I could no longer be an LPN (low paid nurse) but an RN (real nurse) and be able to have more opportunities open up for me professionally speaking.
• Which got me to thinking about the weight I lost.
• How can I in good conscience be an effective medical professional when I'm obviously unhealthy?
• Get back at it was my answer
• I finally got a "real job" in my field! Woohoo!  However, shifty things are afoot.  So how long it lasts is anyone's guess.
• At school I started working in the lab.  I help underclassmen with their assignments, mentoring, tutoring (to an extent) and in some instances, actually end up teaching.  Because yanno, the damn brats don't pay attention to begin with and listen the first time when they are in class, lol.  
• I was the first responder not once but twice for the barnacle.  Which got me to thinking some more.
• If I don't get this weight off, will I end up like her? Like my father?  He died at 52 from a heart attack.
• Yeah, it could very seriously happen
• I became a vegetarian
• For the exact reasons stated above.
• Yes there are days where I still occasionally eat meat.  However I try to limit how often and it's never red meat, usually only chicken.
• I got a Fitbit to help me in tracking my progress. 
• I use it to track
• Steps walked
• Water drank
• My daily blood sugar
• Oh yeah, and I drink a TON more water!  

So those are the things I've done in the last month to get started.  Now I'm back here doing this.  I always believed in order to be successful at losing weight you HAVE to track everything!  I noticed, when I stopped tracking is when I started eating poorly.  When I stopped blogging/journaling and having "someone" to answer to, the same, I started eating poorly.

So here it all is.  The good, the bad and the fat.  I still am not looking to be thin, just healthy and a good role model for those I plan on taking care of.

So it’s Wednesday

As can be expected, I’ve not gained….nor lost any weight in a day.

YaY!

Lol, however, I will say that The Wonder One and I last night finished off the last of his decadent fudge.  There wasn’t much after having filled five tins to be sent to the far reaches of where they need to go and he looks at me and says “You know, we should just go ahead and eat it all tonight, that way it’s done.”  Of course I let him twist my arm into it (ouch ouch ouch)  and we did as we watched Hugh Jackman in Wolverine *sighhhhhh* .  It was definitely a guilty pleasure to be enjoyed.  Which I did, knowing it would be a lonnngggg time before I’d be doing it again, which I can live with.

Today, I’m going to the lab to have blood drawn because next week I go back to the doctor for a follow up regarding my diabetes.

When this all started what I wanted was to get healthy.  If I lost weight and got slimmer in the process, well then, yay me!  But back then when I weighed in at my most (286 lbs) I was having to inject 80 units of insulin a day as well as take a plethora of oral medications.  Well, after having lost the weight I have, even with putting some of it back on, I’m down to 26 units of insulin a day! YAY me!  Being a type  II diabetic means a few things for me.  Getting the weight off means that I can possibly get off the medications, but I have to get the weight off first.  It’s a daily struggle, that being said, I have bad weeks.  There are times when I don’t take my meds at all. I’m working on that along with my weight.  It’s all a process.  

I will have considered myself successful if I can get to a manageable weight (note I said manageable?) that I can maintain for the rest of my life and be drug free from all of my diabetes medication at the same time.  

This is truly about getting healthy, whether I like it or not.

Picking up where I left off...

So here we are.  January 1^st of a new year.  Most people look at this as a time for a new beginning, a fresh start if you will.

Me?  Not so much.  I see this as a time to pick up where I left off.  I was in the middle of a good head of steam.  If you recall, I had lost 44 pounds and was doing well.  I had started at 286 pounds and gotten down to my lowest that I could recall since my daughter’s birth which to put it mildly is a very long time. 

So I had gotten down to 242 pounds, The Wonder One had gotten down to his goal weight and I fizzled.  I lost my mojo. I didn’t have my diet buddy, so to speak any longer.  I felt lost and abandoned and didn’t have that competitive gusto that I once did when he was losing weight with me.  So I went off plan.  

Thankfully I didn’t put back on all the weight I’d lost, only 15 pounds.  How much of that is truly weight I’d gained due to not eating properly or the holidays is anyone’s guess.  

I’d been tossing the idea around about picking the blog back up and I mentioned it to a friend of mine and she encouraged me wholeheartedly (thank you Karla) and The Wonder One has been poking the bear so to speak about it lately…..kindly of course, but gently letting me know…”Hey, I think this is something you should get back into.”

So, here I am. I thank you my cheerleaders for patiently waiting for my return.  For those who've not waited so patiently, I do so hope, I can get you back here to cheer me back on.  For those new to the cheering section...YaY! Thank you for coming in to help cheer me on, I'll need it.  I'll be there for you as well.  This cheerleading business is a two way street yanno!

So, I'm getting back into it…whatever “it” may entail.  I’m sure I’ll be adding to the cast of characters that is my life.  Not to mention a great bunch of friends and cheerleaders.  All of whom I wouldn’t be able to do any of this without.

So, here I go, better yet, here we go.

Ready or not,

Let’s roll….

Great News!

If you read the comments at all, The Wonder One let the cat out of the bag....bugger...

I got the call yesterday and the surgeon let me know that the red irritated areas on my bladder are just that, an irritation and I'll be following up with him in 6 to 8 weeks to see how I'm doing.

As for the flank pain....he doesn't believe it to be my kidneys.  Shit.

Back to square one.  Thankfully it's not a constant pain and since we know it's not my kidneys, I'll not worry it for now.

As for my journey, I know I've gained some weight so I go back to square one and start anew on my traditional weigh in day (tomorrow) and we just go from there.  I'm just thankful that I've not gained all I've lost so I'll not be starting from square one in that regard! lol

Who's with me?

Catching up...

Cheerleaders!

How have you been?

Well, I hope!  I wanted to take this time to let you know where I am on my journey and what's been going on with it.

Back at the beginning of April I made mention of having to have some exploratory surgery.  When I went in for the surgery I was under the impression that it was going to be to look at my left kidney to see why it was that I'd been having so much pain.  Well here's the scoop on what ended up happening...

They went into my bladder (you can figure it out, it's the only way to get there) and looked around with a small camera.  They then shot some dye up my ureters to see if there was any blockage. For those of you who are unfamiliar with anatomy, the ureters connect the kidneys to the bladder.  It's how the urine that is created by the kidneys gets to the bladder to later be voided.  Once the surgeon was able to determine that there was no blockage of the ureters he then went to look at the left kidney.  Nothing wrong there.  However while investigating the whole kit and kaboodle, what he did find was this...

The image on top is of a normal healthy bladder.  The image on the bottom is my bladder.  Not quite so normal, not quite so healthy.  Red and irritated is what it is.  Because of this the surgeon took something like 5 biopsies (you heard correctly) could've been 4, I was still under the effects of the drugs they gave me to knock me out so my recollection is a wee bit fuzzy.

Two days after the procedure they called me back to say "Come into the office in 15 days" well in my mind's way of working (it is a bit twisted but if you follow along, I'm sure you'll understand my reasoning) when they called me to come back in for an office visit that was over 2 weeks away, it was A.) reasonable to assume that the biopsies had been ran and 2.) they didn't show anything that was cause for alarm.  Given that two days prior I was told I'd had tissue samples removed for biopsy, that's just not something one expects to hear.  But the fears I'd had for two days were effectively null and void due to the length of time between the surgery and the follow up appointment.

That appointment was set on Thursday.  The Wonder One's grandma had unexpectedly passed away on the following day, Friday.  It was a complete and total shocker.  Something we were totally not expecting at all.  Granted she was 96 and had a long and wonderful life, but still, she was in good health.  Took very few medications and we were just not expecting it.  We were excited (as was she) to see her live to be 100.  The family is heartbroken by it all because she was an amazing woman.

So now here we are (depressed due to the loss of Grandma E) two weeks later after having the surgery and dealing with the bereavement and all I'm up to 257 a gain of 9 pounds, which to be honest, I'm surprised it wasn't more.  Actually I was up to 265 due to a TON of water retention, luckily my kindeys work VERY well! lol

I go to the surgeon's office yesterday morning to find out what the results of the biopsies were.  The Wonder One and I were sitting there, and sitting there AND sitting there....

Until finally the office staff and the surgeon come in to tell us that the biopsy samples had not been sent to the lab to be tested!!  I was taken aback!  I was utterly stunned and shocked.  While I understand that people make mistakes, I just cannot (even now 24 hours later) fathom how it is that this sort of a mistake can happen.  As I explained to my surgeon, when he told me that he took tissue samples to biopsy, his taking the samples in the first place concerned me.  But then my fears were dashed when I didn't have to come back into the office right away.  Figuring if the results were serious/critical that I'd be back in the office immediately.   Yet now after having to wait over two weeks to hear what the results are, I have to wait another 5 days (I'll be hearing something hopefully on Tuesday), all the comfort that I took from the time delay has been stripped from me.  I'm totally gutted and in utter despair.

So I've been doing some seriously nervous eating in earnest.  I don't mean to.  I just can't help myself.  I'm scared beyond words.  So thankfully the surgeon saw reason and prescribed me some Valium for my nerves.  Now if I can just keep the free flowing food out of my mouth for the next four days, I should be good.

Pray for me cheerleaders.  I need you more now than ever before.

I know I got some 'splainin' to do....

Hi there Cheerleaders!

I realize it’s been far too long in letting you know what’s been going on in my journey.  For that I’m terribly sorry.  As it stands I’ve gained a few pounds, yet, that’s okay.  They’ll eventually go away.  

Let me explain my absence, which I think is what most people are curious about.  Due to some reoccurring pain and infections I’ve had since the beginning of the year, I’m going in for some exploratory surgery on my left kidney to find out why I’m having so much pain.  Then hopefully I’ll stop having so many flippin’ UTI’s.  

As well, I started a new job that’s been keeping me busy and worn out.  Not that the job itself is terribly active, however between this job and the one I already had…I work 12 days straight then I get 2 days off.  I’m pooped by the end of all of it.  So when I get home, one of the last things I think about is the blog.  However, I figure if I work it out far enough in advance, some of my regular features, I should be able to plan ahead enough for you.  Then just plug in my updates on Wednesday and the random rant here and there. 

Also, I’m proud to note that I went to my first Zumba class tonight.  I went with a co-worker who invited me and I have to say….”DAMN!!!” she. Is. Good.  Really good.  I’m sure I was an embarrassment to her.  I couldn’t quite follow along so well (at least I didn’t mow anyone down) and I fairly well kept up with everyone (which impressed the HELL outta me!) but I had to concede defeat after 35 minutes much to my chagrin.  Turns out it was a 40 minute class!  AND at her first class she lasted all of 10 minutes and on the floor in a pile of her own goo having an asthma attack.  So a flaming shoulder of pain after 35 minutes?  I’ll take it.  As well as her gym!! O.M.G.  It puts mine to shame.  So after the surgery tomorrow and it’s all good for me to get back to working out like I want, I’m going to go and see what I can do to get a gym membership there.  She (my friend) was telling me about hers so I at least have some leveraging chips to work with.  I’d much rather be able to walk in there and play hardball and walk away getting a hell of a deal then to not have tried.

Shy kid doesn’t get the cookie right?  Ohhh that was a bad pun wasn’t it?

Well Cheerleaders, that’s all for the time being, as soon as I know more about my left kidney you’ll know more.  I just hope I get some good drugs to come home on! ;-)

It's Wednesday...

Well it's the dreaded weigh in day...

I think things are finally getting back to normal because I was a big fat LOSERRRRRR! lol

Given that over the past 7 weeks or so my weight has gone up and down more than a roller coaster it's nice to breathe a sigh of relief when the numbers are going down.  Now let's just hope that they'll be going down again next week! lol

However, I have good reason to refocus, The Wonder One and I have encouraged/inspired Queenie and The Wonder One's brother (Queenie and his brother are married for those keeping score) with The Wonder One's success (and mine too, marginal though they are) and so they are going on Weight Watchers as well.

So let the competition (unspoken though it is) begin! lol Which to be honest is going to help me tremendously, with The Wonder One having met his goal, I don't have anyone to compete with on a weekly basis, so it gets kinda lonesome when I weigh in, so it'll be nice to have that friendly rivalry with Queenie.

We'll have to have some sort of friendly stakes set up.  She's not needing to lose much and I have a lot more to go, especially since I had my set back there for *gasps* oh my nearly two months!  Yes, yes indeed I'm glad for the company!

Welcome aboard Queenie, enjoy the ride!

Merry Christmas Cheerleaders!

I know I've been seriously lacking in my duties in letting you know what's been going on in my weight loss efforts and for that I apologize.  Over the course of the past 3 weeks or so I've gained roughly 18 pounds, however it's all from water weight (thank GOD!!!),  As well, I've been having some more issues with my sugar levels bottoming out on me.  So between the two, I got into the doctor and he lowered my insulin yet again and then doubled up on my Lasix (which is a type of water pill, in plain English) so we'll know on Wednesday how things pan out.

I just wanted to check in with you and let you all know that I've not forgotten about you, but between the holidays, work and being ill, something had to give.  Unfortunately, it was the blog.  Things should return to normal (whatever the hell THAT is) come next week or so.

Take care of you and yours and give each other a big hug and just know that you're thought of fondly.