Sunday, July 31, 2011

Kinda learned something I didn't know I learned...

So the vibrant brusher is always finding the yummies as we saw in my last post.  I soooo wanted to try that ice cream she was tormenting me with and I had decided not to.  Well, on Thursday night I went out to dinner with the BFF and we had a long painful chat and I made a few self discoveries that I really can't go into now, but let's just say, it was rough.  I needed comforting.  Yes, my morale didn't care about the beating that it had just taken the week before.  My feelings needed consoling, and they needed consoling NOW.  I reverted to old bad habits or is that bad old habits?


On the way home from seeing the BFF I decided that I was going to have me a pint of that Ben & Jerry's Red Velvet Cake Ice Cream.  Yes, I did it.  I went and had a pint of the diet crushing yummy nerve soothing delight.  I ate it slowly making sure to savor it and enjoy it.  Not once berating myself for my weakness in caving in and getting it.  I had decided I was going to have it because to focus on it and dwell on it was only going to make the desire for it worse.  Then when I finally would come to have some, it would only be ten times the guilt and shame.  Turns out, it was good.  I'm glad I had it when I did, because had I waited I would've built it up in my mind to be this fantastical, mystical thing that I wouldn't have been able to live without and then would've been so let down by.  As it was, it was just good and now that I've had it, I've had it.  I probably won't be revisiting it. 

And I'm not beating myself up over it either.  That's something new too.  Used to be that when I had a stumble I'd berate myself and really have a go at myself.  Making my faux pas just that much worse.   Instead, in this instance where I've come to accept it for what it is, I've moved on and regained my footing immediately, I'm good.  In times past I'd just say to myself  "Screw it, what's the point?".  Not so much this time.  I'm not sure exactly what the difference is this time around is, but I'm glad for it.

This time around feels better, I feel better.  More sure about what I'm doing.

I'll get there.  Eventually.  It doesn't have to be tomorrow.

I can live with the day after.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

I just visited the Ben & Jerry's Our Flavors page because of the vibrant brusher....grrr

I just visited the Ben & Jerry's Our Flavors page.  

The vibrant brusher has all day been a bad influence on me I'll have you know.  She's bad and I love her for it, lol, but as of yet I have not given in!  She told me of Ben & Jerry's new flavored ice cream.

She had no idea the tizzy it would send me into.

Red Velvet Cake Ice Cream!

Yes, there, I said it.

I did the points crunching.  Yes, I admit it.  I did it.

A serving size of the diet crushing yummy sounding nerve soothing delight is ONLY a 1/4 of the package and turns out to be only 7, yes, count 'em, SEVEN points!!

I may just have to get in on that.  Not this week though. 

Not after the last few weeks I've had.  My morale can only take so much of a beating.

Color me surprised!

The Barbie One redeemed herself today. While at the gym working out yesterday on that one piece of equipment that I am undereducated for (remember, it takes a PhD to just MOUNT the thing let alone USE) the evil one recommended a different piece of equipment that quite honestly wasn't any better for my shoulder.  The evil one I swear is out to get me!

So today while the evil one was lurking in a dark corner of the gym somewhere plotting my demise; I grabbed Barbie and told her that the previous two machines were just about to do my head in (more accurately, my shoulder) was there ANY way she could help?

She actually pushed this big huge body builder off a machine (well, she did say "do you mind?" first lol) and showed me how to use it and it didn't require any upper body involvement at all!  Then to redeem herself even further, she showed me two more machines I could use!  I'm chuffed!  So now I can still work on my lower abs and not have to worry about my shoulder getting torn up in the process! 

Gotta love it when a plan comes together!

Oh Thank Sweet Jesus!!!

So as you may or may not have guessed Wednesdays are my weigh in days.  And by the title of this post you can probably guess that this week I was a loser, lol.

Thank. Sweet. Jesus!!!

I truly have come to the conclusion that it was the frozen dinners that I had become reliant upon to supplement my eating needs while the weather was so bleepin' hot and humid out, these past few weeks that had caused me to bloat up like a Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon.  I would've been fearful had anyone gotten near me with any sharp objects!  However I can say with some delight the swelling in my feet has gone down tremendously, I once again have ankles and now have a better positive outlook on life!  Since having drawn this conclusion, I've figured out how to make dinner without heating up the kitchen (hellloooo Crock-Pot!) thus saving the house from getting anymore hot than it already is.

Yay me!

If you weren't keeping score, I lost 3.5 pounds this week.  It is difficult to say if it was water weight or just weight weight, but hey, at this point in the game, just so long as the number was going down and not up, I really don't care one way or the other at this point!

Yay me!

***Update...These conclusions should've been given proper credit to the my kinda sorta twin sister who I bemoaned my plight to over the phone this past weekend.  Without having done this, her helpful ear and insight would not these conclusions been reached.  I owe her a debt of gratitude and regret not having given her the kudos she deserved in the first place!  Thanks girl!

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

I could've gone all day without hearing this...

A dear old friend of mine (not that she's old, just that in the longevity of friends, she's been a friend for a long while, like the frenchie has) sends me a message.  She says:

"Love your blog! I know we were not in touch when I went through my weight battle (and still it goes's never ending btw)....please know I'm here for ya! Cheering from north of the border :) Keep up the good work babe"

...And still it goes's never ending btw....*THUD*.....the darby one doesn't know that she's thrown me into a fit of depression!  And a mild concussion and a headache, because now I'm getting my exercise slamming my head against the desk!  While the reasonable side of me knows that this will be an ongoing battle.  Because I see her (who was once a thick girl ~~ I never saw her as being fat, just *chunky* seriously, she never was, she lost some mad weight and now looks slammin'! She even went on to join the fire department!  That's how good she did!) now and think..."the darby one did it, but can I really do it?" 

The darby one lets me know that she too is in my cheering section and that I can do, I just have to keep plowing through.  She too had issues with the heat or more to the point she states that "I too am retaining water like a camel ready for a journey across the Sahara!"  Well, I'm glad to know I'm not the only one that can be used right now as a floatation device!

Yep, that's one of many of my cheering section.  Getting me to laugh and to see that I'm not the only one to battle this alone.

But still I could've gone blissfully ignorant and in denial for a little while longer not knowing it would be a constant struggle!! lol

Sunday, July 24, 2011

New weight loss tip...

The wonder one comes up with a package of meat holding it out and asks "Smell this.  Do you think this is bad?"

The smell that came off of that package of meat is enough to make me be a vegetarian and to not eat for several days...

Now...I'm gagging...

The wonder one walked away apologizing.

He's so sweet.

Where's the room spray........anyone?  Anyone?

This is what I do...

Given what I do for a living, if I have a situation where someone is sick, it's my job to figure out how or when it started.  Often times also what caused it.  Working out, rationalizing how it all came to be.  This is what me and giggly one have figured out.  For me, this is one aspect of my job that I love.  Solving the puzzle of the illness.  When talking to the giggly one who makes coming to work SOOOO much easier (truly!) she helped me to figure out that this recent struggle with my weight (not losing, then actually gaining) is not a failure on my part, but a combination of things that have come together to conspire against me.

So the giggly one and the mighty midget (another in the cast of characters who are in my cheering section) helped me to figure out what's been going on and what I need to do to fix it.

I noticed that my feet have swollen, swollen so much so that they are painful.  So much so that I have cankles.  For those who don't know what a cankle is it's where your ankle and your calve have become one huge appendage all of it's own.  It's not pretty.  Usually what causes this for me is water retention.  I've never noticed before that there is any particular trigger that makes this happen.  So then I have to consider what is it that causes water retention.  Sodium.  I don't add salt to my food.  So then what else would do it?  I'm talking this over with the giggly one..."Well you do eat those frozen meals for dinner...."  I could feel the heat from the light bulb over my head as it went off!!!  I've been eating them a lot lately for ease of use.  That and admittedly, I'm lazy and the heat is just been unbearable.  "Those things have so much sodium in them, anything frozen can't be good."  This realization is not good.   "Nooooooooooo, REALLY" was all I could think in reply, but what I said? "Gee, thanks"....Yeah, I'm a bit passive aggressive at times.

So then I'm trying to figure out the tag for this post.  I call the mighty midget.  "Hey, journo major, pop quiz, I need your help"  I swear I heard crickets bleating after that.  "Yanno that was a long time ago!", it was then that the giggly one and the mighty midget and I figured out that the right word was in fact rationalize because by definition (or at least the one that applies here) "to the true, possibly unconscious and often less creditable or agreeable causes".  See I was thinking prior to seeing that definition the definition that we all would jump to would be the one we all associate with the word.

So, the girls are great in my cheering section as is everyone here.  But these two in particular are extra special because they put up with my sarcasm and help me to figure out that my weight not-so-much-loss-this-week isn't quite my fault.  I just need to rework my eating plan, cut out the frozen meals and put them back into the game plan the way they were originally intended.  Once the heatwave passes, it should get better.

God, I can only hope!

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Climbing isn't as hard as it used to be...

After pouting for a better part of the day yesterday and going for my walk, I actually walked for the longest I had since I had tried half-heartedly attempted to lose weight before.  At 14 minutes, that was the longest time I'd walked in years barring any time spent at the mall.

So if you cast your mind back to earlier in the week when we first met the evil one, I found out that I actually had abdomen muscles!  As hard as it is for me to believe...stunned actually is the word I think I'm looking for, it really does get easier. 

I found today after having my half pound sulk session that sweating it out truly was what I needed to get my mind right.  I was no where near being happy about my gaining half a pound.  No one wants to see their efforts rewarded with a gain, so I spent 16 minutes today walking on the treadmill.  A new personal record (PR) and had my lower body workout.  As well, I climbed into the doohickey that worked out my abs from here to hell and back.  What got me all verklempt was that I was able to do my three sets of ten reps with no trouble and quickly.  I was rather emotional when I got down from the machine.  Excited that I was able to get the task at hand done, so now I need to look at how to challenge myself so that the next time it hurts just a wee bit. ;-)

That way I can continue to find my victories where ever they may be.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011


It was 12 weeks ago today that I joined Weight Watchers and dragged the wonder one and the barnacle along for the ride.  While I've always believed that the scale truly is the enemy and reflects failure at every turn, it's that love hate relationship that every obese person has with it that makes all the difference when the numbers go down.  Then up.

Isn't funny how when the numbers go down on the scale and up in our bank accounts we utilize that as a sign of success.  When the inverse is true, failure.  We at least have other measures for success in our efforts where weight loss is concerned.  I wish the same could be said for my bank account, lol.

So I'm sure you're wondering what the scale said this morning.  Well, I was for this week, a loser.  It's weird, the past few weeks have been a challenge.  Two weeks ago, I gained 2 pounds, then last week I gained another 2 pounds, but then this week, I lost 3.5 pounds, taking my total to 266.5.  Three weeks ago I had tried using a different scale then went back to the original scale and blah blah Weight Watchers sucks blah was all I could think.  Even though I was doing everything right meal wise, it was mental wise that I needed to do some work.  So yes, I did loose this week, but in the same vein...not so much.  Follow along.

That's where this blog came in, working out came along and your support comes into play.

Three months ago I was eating out of control, putting into my body whatever was around not considering the consequences.  Sitting on my butt either in front of the telly or the computer not doing a damn thing to better my physical self.  I never complained about my weight.  I resented myself and my weight, but I never verbalized it.  Every so often I would walk through the livingroom and see that the barnacle was watching a TV show like The Biggest Loser and then, she'll just sit there, bitching about her weight and how she'd be so much happier if she'd just lose some weight.  I don't know about you, but watching a show like that personally would shame me into turning off the TV and moving, not her buddy, she'll just sit there day in and day out.  That's how and why she got the nickname the barnacle.  Also, I don't watch that show, lol, I don't want to see myself in spandex, let alone other obese people in the same.  But back to the barnacle.  Yeah, it doesn't phase her that she can hardly move because she refuses to, or that she sucks wind just to go to the bathroom. That other people her age are running circles around her.  Then when comes meal time and the wonder one and I are getting our meals together, she doesn't want to bother to try to do this with us.  Like I said when this all started we were doing it together.  She lasted about a week.  It doesn't bother her to see that the wonder one has lost 38 pounds me almost 20.  Her own apathy for her own health and well being is just kinda sad.   I just don't want to end up like that.

So I'm wrestling one of my demons, I'm frustrated, this past month or so I've been following my meal plan to the letter and I've not been seeing the numbers come down.  That's why I hate the scale, because I truly don't think that it reflects your success.  It's times like now, when I'm so frustrated that in the past that I've given up, that I know that if I just stick with it and work through it and see the numbers change favorably that will be huge.  So this is where I'll really be needing some help from you this next week or two.

Stick with me, because in the end, it should be fun to see what ends up happening.





Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Used and Abused

At least that's how the evil one has me feeling today.

I've got muscle's in my abdomen that I didn't know I had!  I know that I have them because they freaking HURT!  They hurt because no matter what direction I move, they scream, they moan...I whimper.  People stare.

It's embarrassing.  Yes, I went back today.  Barbie clone (different girl who wants to be just like the barbie girl from yesterday...yanno, just as cute and annoying) didn't want to be bothered with me because the evil one was working at another location so she tells me "the more cardio you do, the faster you'll see results!"  Which is fine, I don't mind this, as she puts me on the recumbent bike and walks away.  Except this is when I find out that my iPod needs to be plugged in daily or it won't work.  The little fucker is a power hungry energy beast.  SHEESH.  I need you people to warn me of these things!  As it was barbie clone puts me on level 2 and says "I'll see you in 15 minutes then we'll get you on the elliptical machine, THEN we'll put you BACK on the treadmill, K?" all perky, like.  I had this brief day dream of me crushing her smile with my cell phone and smiling back with the same perky smile "K!".  But I climbed on and did the best I could for 11 minutes at level 1 stopping and starting repeatedly.  Hey, I figured this was my second day.  I'll progress and get better. I know I will, I just need time, and it'll be my way of seeing progress.

It was at this point my butt just couldn't take the seat, I climbed off and looked around for the clone, she was no where to be found.

Yep, you guessed it, splitsville to God only knows where.

So I left.  I cut my workout short.

Don't worry it.  I was mildly irritated.  Given the level of stiffness and soreness today following yesterday, it's probably a good thing.  I'll go back tomorrow.  Give it another go with a lower body workout and a try at the core again.

Tomorrow's just another day and workout away.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Cast of Characters: Enter....The Evil One

So as I made mention, this morning I was going bright and early to the gym to get started.  9am to be precise.  I show up, hand over my card, desk girl looks at it and says "Oh, it's been a while since you've been here" I nod, letting her know that yes, yes it has been a while since I'd last been there.  "Barbie" Desk girl calls out to the barbie one (names have been changed to protect me, not so much them) "She's got and oooold membership card, what do I do?".  At this point, I'm wishing that I could shrink up and become invisible because no one told me on the phone when I set up this appointment that "things" had changed and that it would be an issue with my oooold membership card as it apparently was.  Barbie explains the process of what to do next, as I feel the heat rise to my face when the barbie one turns to me and says brightly "It's really not a big deal, do you have your drivers' license with you?"  Wearing my over sized t-shirt and workout leggings, I put my hands in the air as if to say (and I actually think to myself) say "where am I going to put it? My butt crack?"  The barbie one looked me up and down unamused, pursed up her lips then smacked them together (it was about then I wanted to Gibbs head slap her) and said to me in a squeaky tone of voice "Well it's okay (it better damn well be) you can just bring it in the next time."  After all that embarrassment and humiliation she lets me know they are going to take my measurements and weigh me. 

Shoot me.  Please.

Then I'm back with the desk girl who tells me she's going to go and get the evil one and he's going to work me out.  Okay I tell her.  Noooooooo problem.  But first she tells me.  "You get to warm up"  all nice and brightly.  Seriously,  when I said shoot me, I did say please.

After my warm up, they threw me into the den with the evil one.  The one with the easy smile.  Yeah, I took one look at him and thought to myself "Ah, he's cute, he'll be a distraction.  How bad can this be?"

I'll tell you how bad this can be.

Look at how cute he is.

That should tell you everything!

We get started with the first exercise and he tells me he'll be right back.  Then he forgets about me!  So I take pity on him as I can see he's running around like his sneakers are on fire, so I ask him if there is a better time for me to come back.  I couldn't believe the words actually came out of my mouth.

And yes, for your information, I did go back.  Like a dumbass cruising for a bruising!  We get back into my workout and then he tells me "I got this one exercise that I want you to do for your abdomen" (remember that lightbulb?) and me like an idiot, goes "Oh okay" and follows him.

Ohhhhh that's right, that's the one thing I forgot to mention in all of this.  My gym where I work out.  It's one of those gyms where the men workout on one side, the women on the other and then there is a co-ed area.  And this is where Billy gets the moniker the evil one.

I follow the evil one from the womens' side of the gym to the mens'.

In front of God and everybody.

He's teaching me how to use this machine thingamajig that you have to have a PhD in I swear Rocket Science to just MOUNT, let alone USE.  He says..."This is what you're going to use for your lower abs and this is how you get into/onto it."  He demonstrates.  I'm shell shocked.  He looks to me and asks "Ready?"(Seriously?), my honest but STUPID reply was "No".

Hence, the evil one was born.

I'll give him credit.  He showed me again how to lock and load.  He guided me in.  Yes, for this klutz, it really was that complicated.  But that was where all kindness ended.  When I got "done", he had me go again.  Then when I was done with that, he looks at me all cute and says, "I got one more machine for ya and then we'll be done".  Oh. Joy.

It's 8 hours later and I'm still thinking of ways to plot my revenge.

On the bright side, I rewarded myself with going today with a new lipstick from MAC, lol.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

They say it's all in the numbers...or a deck chair...

So, since having started Weight Watchers, nine weeks ago, I've taken off a few pounds.  Twenty in total.  I say a few pounds because let's face it, as it stands, compared to what I need to lose as opposed to what I have lost...I've lost a few pounds.  As my frenchie says "It's like losing a deck chair off the Titanic"

So I've lost a deck chair.

So the task for today in preparation for meeting with my personal trainer in the morning tomorrow was to get my measurements.  I was fearful they didn't make measuring tapes long enough.  Remember that inverted light bulb?  Well, that was my hips/butt I was about to measure and I was nervous about measuring the largest part of me.

While admittedly I've been bigger, this is the first time that I've been as serious as I have been for as long as I have been with the support that I've gotten. But still, when you see those numbers for the first time in a long time, it's eye opening.

The wonder one was cute trying to figure out the measuring tape.  Making sure it was the right side up.  Let's face it, the 'steem couldn't handle metric numbers! "Twirl", around I spun, got one set of numbers, wrote them down.  On it went.

I figure in a month I'll get the digits again and the numbers I got today will be the last time I'll see those numbers and hopefully I'll be down another deck chair, or close to it.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

As the song goes...

Back in 1995 Alanis Morissette came out with a song titled Ironic. The funny thing is that not everything in the song speaks to ironies.  In pop culture, many people took note of this irony.

For my own reasons, as you will soon see, I made note of my own irony.

As you've noticed, I'm working on getting healthier, eating a better diet, exercising, etc.  Last night while at work, I reached into the freezer to grab my "lite" dinner entree to microwave and to what do my wandering eyes behold but my favorite American massed produced chocolate bar.

I sent this picture to the wonder one letting him know that I was hating life at the moment.  His reply?  "Take it and beat it about the freezer, then leave a note for the owner telling them you've licked one half of it but don't tell them which half.  That'll serve 'em right!  The bastards!!!"

I have to say, I agree.


Friday, July 15, 2011


Serendipity is when someone finds something that they weren't expecting to find...roughly speaking.

Then there is kismet.

Kismet is division, portion, lot, fate, akin to qasama to divide.

Then for today's weird encounter/*thing* I think the best word would be happenstance.  Which when I looked up the definition is:  A chance circumstance: "Marriage loomed only as an outgrowth of happenstance".  Yeah, I think that would be the word I'm looking for.

As it would be, happenstance led me to sleep in today.  I normally get up as early as possible on Fridays because in the early afternoons I lay back down to sleep because I work 7pm to 7am on Fridays and Saturdays.  My weekends get eaten up, but my job is such that I work those two days and pretty much get paid like a full time job.  Sort of.  Anyways.  I slept in, got up late.  Was up at a time that I'm not normally up when the phone rings.

It's Victory Fitness Center the barnacle (this is where the monitor aka phone monitor is one of her other nicknames) says.  I tell her to answer it because I want to talk to them. 

This was the kick in the pants I needed I just didn't really know I needed, or wasn't really willing to admit to it (hence serendipity). So I talk to the nice young lady, she asks "We haven't seen you in a while and was wondering if you had in questions?"  Well yes....

So I have an appointment on Monday July 18, 2011 at 9 am.  I figure if I told everyone (what few of you there were) it would keep me accountable, at least if to no one else but me.  So this is where I'm thinking that sleeping in was kismet.....

But then it all boils down to happenstance...

Thursday, July 14, 2011

The camera needs to be shot!

Talking with a friend on the phone, she asks "Does the camera really add 10 pounds?"

From the head and shoulders up, yes it does.

From the head and shoulders down, nope, I'm afraid not.  That is the painful realization I've had to come to when I look in the mirror.  It's also why there very few pictures of me.  Especially full body shots.  Because I know no one wants to see an upside down light bulb.  At least that is how I see my body.  No, I don't think I have body image issues.  But if I were to visualize my body.  Realistically, being brutally honest with myself here, yes, if you take an average household light bulb and turn it upside down, that is roughly what my body is shaped like.  Some people equate their bodies to numbers...those that are both top AND bottom heavy would say they look like the number 8 or the top heavy would be the number 9.  I'm most likely the number 6.  Better to be a 6 than a 1 any day.  I'd rather some curves than none at all, lol.

So all this is to say that at some point there will be photos.  When, I don't know.  Glamourshots?  Probably not, lol.  Most likely I'll look like I got run over by the delivery truck but at least we'll have a chance to see some of the progress along the way of this journey.

***Update....I actually found one that I'm willing to post of both of me and the wonder one taken a number of years ago, we're not standing so you can't so much see how big we both got to be at our biggest, but I think that for future reference, if we sit in pictures you'll be able to see the difference.  Btw....we're at COSI, it's a museum here in town, it's a wonderful place.  If you're ever in the area I highly recommend it.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

I am not a swimmer...

So today, I go with the wonder one up to Alum Creek to go *swim*. 

That is, HE swam, because he is in training for a triathalon (a mind boggling sport of swimming, biking and THAT order), I went along with him to splash around, figuring that I would add the splashing around (all 10 minutes of it) to my new-found life of good nutrition and exercise.

While he swam the "Creek" as we call it, I watched with amazement some guys doing what I later found out to be power kiting.  I'm hooked.  I first want to learn how to swim.  Then I want to learn how to do THIS!

*Back story...

I never learned to swim because when I was 5 I very nearly drowned and for whatever the reason, in their infinite wisdom the barnacle and my da  thought it best for me not to learn how to swim.  WHY, I don't know.  Go figure.  So here I am 40 years later, now wanting to learn, VERY badly.

So now what?

As with all endeavors that most people take, the hardest part is starting.  Not just starting but taking that first step.  Well, I've started.  I've taken that first step.  So I've gotten that licked, so to speak.

So now what?

Where do I go from here?

Is this where I make a goal and work towards it?  Or is this where I just hit the cruise control button and let it ride?

I'm sitting here shaking my head.  I've always done the former and the latter has quite honestly gotten me where I am now.  So, what goals do I set?

That is the question isn't it?  Well I know I'm never going to be a beauty queen and at my age, realistically I'm a bit to old.  I'm a bit to short to be a super model (and I don't have Cindy Crawford's bone structure) so that's out. I've got the barnacle for drama so being a world class actress really is not necessary.  My bff is working on making babies (talk about your high stress jobs!) and me and the wonder one have talked about it I've got to look into the reality of what it would mean to have a baby.

Good God, if that doesn't put me into a cold sweat nothing will.....having a baby in diapers....and the barnacle in them too!

I think I need to lie down for a moment and rethink this goal setting business.......

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Channeling Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C.

Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!

The barnacle actually says "I wanna get outta the house today, would you take me to the store?"

*Note:  That audible thud you just heard was my jaw hitting the floor.

So I take her to that store with the concrete floor.  You know the one.  It's so big that if you stand at one end you can see the curvature of the earth?  It's a part of someone's club?  Yeah....I see you nodding....that's the one.  So I take her to the store so she can buy whatever it is she's wanting to buy.  Am I surprised that she's wanting to ride in a buggy?  Not so much.  Am I surprised that I am bored out of my mind and contemplate walking laps around the store for a workout?

Uhhhh, yeah, stunned would be accurate.

THEN she finally shows up and decides she's done. lol, Gotta love trying to care for a barnacle AND yourself.  Needless to say she showed up before I got to start walking laps.  Good thing, had I started walking laps around that store, I don't think she would've ever caught up with me!

Square hole fitting into a round peg...wait...round hole...square peg....

I remember in high school, in between classes, thinking to myself "I wonder how badly I can injure myself to not have to participate in gym class today?" yet still be able to make it rehearsals after school for the spring production of Sweet Charity that I was in.  Yep, you guessed it, our gym teachers favorite season had begun.

It wasn't spring (well it was, but that's not the point here), nooo, it was track & field season!

Good lord, someone save me.

Better yet, have an ambulance on the field because at 15 I was going to have a heart attack because I was going to have a freaking STROKE!

This girl was not built for running.  Not back then.  Thirty years later, not now.

So, I started walking.  Slowly I'm sure.  For my husband.  The MARATHONER.....the bastard.  Who once said "Men run faster then women" as though it was a God given fact and is probably reading this right now nodding his head.  He's going to get a Gibbs head slap if he doesn't stop (don't you dare look over your shoulder).  I've always wanted to run, if for no other reason so that I can race him in a fair race and beat the socks off him.  Yet, I've got to start somewhere.  So here I am.


As fast as I possibly can for as long as I can.

That is a half a mile in 10 minutes.

So for now, I'll do what I can do, but there will come the day when I run that race.  It'll be a fair race.  Both of us running for all we're worth.  Him not throwing it either.

And I'm gonna kick his ass.

Because women can be just as fast as men.


And this one time fat chick will be an athlete.

Hey, it's a goal ain't it?

Monday, July 11, 2011

Just a thought about getting healthy and it being easy...

Yep, if it were easy everybody would have it....

So here I am...

You know how you have your demons.  Come on, admit it, you have at least one.  Most likely two.  No, I'm not talking your children.  I'm talking those "things" that float about you, those "voices" that either keep you from doing what you have always wanted to do.  Or compels you to do what you do and you don't even realize it.  Yep, I have one.  It's seventy years old and sits on my living-room sofa.  She's often referred to as the barnacle, the monitor (as in the phone monitor because she'll hover over the phone to see who calls) and other sordid names, that as a family based reading material, I'm just not all that comfortable divulging right now.  Most notably however, this particular demon, is my mom.  At 4'11" and currently 247 pounds, she's at her lowest weight in we don't know how many years.  With long-term health issues ranging the gamut from diabetes to gout (note: women typically don't get gout, men do.  Men usually get it in their big toe.  She got it in her pointer finger...go figure) and everything in between, most of it life threatening and weight related...also hereditary, my little demon has passed onto me some genes from the shallow end of the gene pool I'd just as well rather not wade in.  But alas, I must deal with the hand I am dealt.

To make that gene pool just that much more shallow, my father died from a heart attack at the to young age of 52 after having had a stroke just 4 months earlier.  He had a plethra  of health issues as well, most notably diabetes, and well, hypertension.  So when it comes to the gene pool of life, I really did get the shallow end.

As it stands, I've never been a thin woman.  I was a skinny kid however, growing up an only child to a single mother (my parents divorced when I was 7) I spent a lot of time over at my grandparents home.  Not that that is a bad thing, it's just that my grandmother, "grammy" showed she loved you by having you "eat, eat...don't let that go to waste"  and if you didn't...lord help you and the guilt she would lay upon your shoulders!  She meant well, she just did my hips no favors later in life!  So as time progressed, my weight crept up, never really becoming an issue.  After all, it was "baby weight".  Can I ask you this...when do you become to old to have baby weight?  Then after you give birth, when is it to long to blame the baby for the extra poundage you put on?  Baby weight has a shelf life of 2 years, MAX.  Then you need to accept it and move on.  Wrestle that demon, pin it, claim that 3 count and win the round.  Otherwise you will never move forward.

I'm just sayin.

These are the sorts of things I'm dealing with on a daily basis as I try to get healthy. 

So a few months ago, I have the barnacle at the doctor's office.  "Well, Mrs. Barnacle, what is it that will make you happy"  You can just imagine....(I swore she was going to say a jelly doughnut) she says "Well, I know that I can't breathe well (DUH) and I figure that if I took some of the weight off it would help (ya think?) and I know that would make me happy (really?), so, yeah, that would make me happy."  Oh, I was surprised by this revelation I tell ya.  I had no idea.  She goes on to say that she neeeeeeds Weight Watchers because she can't do it on her own.  She doesn't know how.  I point out to her, that Weight Watchers doesn't do it for her, they give her the tools so that she can do it for herself.  After all, she was the one to put the jelly doughnut in her mouth.  She's got to be the one to take the weight off. 

What I discovered about the barnacle in all this.  She doesn't want the accountability.  She doesn't want to have to work to get the weight off. 

What I learned about myself in all this.  I didn't either.  YIKES!

That was a revelation!

So I joined Weight Watchers.  I'm doing it online.  In the beginning I had my husband and the barnacle doing it with me.  Nearly 10 weeks later, the hubby is still hanging in there.  The barnacle dropped out about a nano second after starting.

When she realized there was some accountability.

I'm still hanging strong.  Even with having to have some accountability.  Turns out I do NOT want to be like the barnacle.  The hubby says...THANK GOD! lol

So that's how this started.

If it were easy, everyone would buy it.  So now, I have to work for it.  Every day I have to keep reminding myself that.  When it gets tough, do me a favor?  Remind me too?