Monday, August 15, 2011

Story of my life....

As many people do, when growing up, they want to be all sorts of things.  I wanted to be an actress, teacher, nurse (which I ended up becoming) a photographer and the list continues.  As we go through life we find that when we attain those goals, either the job/career we've always wanted wasn't what we thought it was going to be for whatever the reason or it just didn't live up to our expectations.  Be it that society makes it to be that you'll be held to a higher esteem because you ARE that <fill in the blank here> or because you've actually done something with that job/career.  No matter how hard you work at your job and the pride you take in it, something always seems to be ....missing.

When I was seven I was asked what did I want to be when I grew up.  I made the aforementioned list.  The one thing on that list I actually achieved was to be a nurse.  Granted, it was a late in life decision.  It was a change from one career to another.  But, I finally got it done.  It wasn't a graceful transition from one path to the other, more of a stumble, catch myself as I started to fall in midair kind of thing, pull myself back up and look around to make sure no one was looking sort of klutzy kind of move.  But it was a move none-the-less.

 Once I graduated, I found that nursing wasn't the glamorous job the recruiter made it out to be.  Coming home from work covered in feces' I'd started plotting his demise realizing that I could make it look like a natural death now, but then I'd also realized that I'd taken an oath to cause no harm....I'd painted myself into a corner.

Dammit.  Back to square one.

"What in the hell did I want to be when I grow up"....I thought to myself at the age of 41.  Even now, a few years later, I still don't know, but at least I'm doing something that I haven't always.

The whole time growing up, I'd get wrapped up in the newest latest thing that would catch my attention and the nano second I'd get bored or something would happen (whatever that was), I was onto the next thing.  That's sort of how nursing evolved.  I started nursing school, my dad died the very first week of school.  Literally, I started on Monday, he was dead of a heart attack by Friday at the age of 52.  Just 7 years older than I am now.  Hence why I've gotten so serious lately about my eating and exercising ( it's starting to make sense...the sickly barnacle, dead young dad...I don't want that for me...I want to live a long time to nag the wonder one...gotta have a hobby in my rocker!).  I took his death very hard because I was always a daddy's girl.  God only knows why, because I don't.  But I did take his death hard.  So when he died, I dropped out of nursing school.  Just like high school.  I got bored with high school.  Eventually I got my GED.  I had to because I was in College trying to get my associate's degree to become  a paralegal but during my intership I had this attorney who was freaking nuts....needless to say I left the program because of it.  Never finished.  Are you starting to see a pattern here?  I would start a lot of things but then never finish.  Well, I finally hit a point where I needed to start wrapping things up.  I got my GED.  That was done.  I did go back and become a nurse.  That was done.  Last week when I was off from exercising because I wasn't feeling good I was looking at my life and wondering..."Why am I sick and tired?"  Am I enjoying being a nurse?  Not always.  With working on my eating and exercising and wrapping up lose ends, I got to thinking about that Associates Degree.  I was only six months away from graduation.  I was stupid.

Very.  Stupid.

So I'm going tomorrow to talk to the school about finishing up.  What the hell?  What have I got to lose?  I've got the time on my hands to wrap this one up.  They can help me find a job, I can still be a nurse and utilize that in a job as a paralegal.  What the hell, why not?  I may find something that'll make me all that much more happier and bring all this up together in a bright and happy shiny package.  Maybe then I can quit being so freaking sick and tired all the time.

Then I can take some pride in finishing something I've started.  Oh wait.  I'll have finished all that I've started.

Except hitting my goal weight.

**UPDATE** Well I went and talked to the school.  It was a farce.  Seriously.  They didn't even have me listed in the correct major from when I was there before.  SOOooooooo all that's to be said is that I plan on sucking it up.  I AM going to finish that up.  I AM going to get that paralegal education finished.  Just not at that *cough cough* institution of higher learning.   I'll be going to a place that I know, that I like and where I'm comfortable.  Where their program won't take two years (that's what's so farcical about the other "school" the one I was enrolled in previously where I was so closed to was going to take me two years of going to school, full time, four quarters a year to get it done.  At $324 dollars a credit HOUR...not a class but a credit hour and a class could be up to three to four credit HOURS a piece!  When you're done choking on that, figure this one...where I WILL be going...classes are $96 a credit hour and I should be done in roughly six quarters or so.)  it may be two years but I doubt it.  Locally things educationally are changing from quarters to semesters so it's hard to say what'll happen.  But all in all, given the sheer dollar amount alone, I just have to say thanks for your time but no thanks for the "education".

1 comment:

  1. I am so proud of you Shannon <3 ; I do plan to go to a tech center where they have available for us in my state, I don't know if its available in others, but im going for health care foundation. Im thinking about nursing but I don't know what else there is in the health care world.. I just know I want to be in it.. :/