Monday, July 18, 2011

Cast of Characters: Enter....The Evil One

So as I made mention, this morning I was going bright and early to the gym to get started.  9am to be precise.  I show up, hand over my card, desk girl looks at it and says "Oh, it's been a while since you've been here" I nod, letting her know that yes, yes it has been a while since I'd last been there.  "Barbie" Desk girl calls out to the barbie one (names have been changed to protect me, not so much them) "She's got and oooold membership card, what do I do?".  At this point, I'm wishing that I could shrink up and become invisible because no one told me on the phone when I set up this appointment that "things" had changed and that it would be an issue with my oooold membership card as it apparently was.  Barbie explains the process of what to do next, as I feel the heat rise to my face when the barbie one turns to me and says brightly "It's really not a big deal, do you have your drivers' license with you?"  Wearing my over sized t-shirt and workout leggings, I put my hands in the air as if to say (and I actually think to myself) say "where am I going to put it? My butt crack?"  The barbie one looked me up and down unamused, pursed up her lips then smacked them together (it was about then I wanted to Gibbs head slap her) and said to me in a squeaky tone of voice "Well it's okay (it better damn well be) you can just bring it in the next time."  After all that embarrassment and humiliation she lets me know they are going to take my measurements and weigh me. 

Shoot me.  Please.

Then I'm back with the desk girl who tells me she's going to go and get the evil one and he's going to work me out.  Okay I tell her.  Noooooooo problem.  But first she tells me.  "You get to warm up"  all nice and brightly.  Seriously,  when I said shoot me, I did say please.

After my warm up, they threw me into the den with the evil one.  The one with the easy smile.  Yeah, I took one look at him and thought to myself "Ah, he's cute, he'll be a distraction.  How bad can this be?"

I'll tell you how bad this can be.

Look at how cute he is.

That should tell you everything!

We get started with the first exercise and he tells me he'll be right back.  Then he forgets about me!  So I take pity on him as I can see he's running around like his sneakers are on fire, so I ask him if there is a better time for me to come back.  I couldn't believe the words actually came out of my mouth.

And yes, for your information, I did go back.  Like a dumbass cruising for a bruising!  We get back into my workout and then he tells me "I got this one exercise that I want you to do for your abdomen" (remember that lightbulb?) and me like an idiot, goes "Oh okay" and follows him.

Ohhhhh that's right, that's the one thing I forgot to mention in all of this.  My gym where I work out.  It's one of those gyms where the men workout on one side, the women on the other and then there is a co-ed area.  And this is where Billy gets the moniker the evil one.

I follow the evil one from the womens' side of the gym to the mens'.

In front of God and everybody.

He's teaching me how to use this machine thingamajig that you have to have a PhD in I swear Rocket Science to just MOUNT, let alone USE.  He says..."This is what you're going to use for your lower abs and this is how you get into/onto it."  He demonstrates.  I'm shell shocked.  He looks to me and asks "Ready?"(Seriously?), my honest but STUPID reply was "No".

Hence, the evil one was born.

I'll give him credit.  He showed me again how to lock and load.  He guided me in.  Yes, for this klutz, it really was that complicated.  But that was where all kindness ended.  When I got "done", he had me go again.  Then when I was done with that, he looks at me all cute and says, "I got one more machine for ya and then we'll be done".  Oh. Joy.

It's 8 hours later and I'm still thinking of ways to plot my revenge.

On the bright side, I rewarded myself with going today with a new lipstick from MAC, lol.


  1. He IS cute! I wish my gym had cute trainers! My trainer (when I actually get to see her, which is never) is a girl and sometimes our workouts are distracting because we talk. Alot. I'm not quite comfortable working out with a male trainer, although I will likely switch over soon. And good for you for rewarding yourself, and bonus for something that's NOT edible! How often are your sessions? Are you planning to go and work out on your own?

  2. I do plan on working out on my own. I prefer a man for a trainer because he's not afraid to push me and if I have a woman as a trainer we usually get to yapping and well...the training isn't as good as I would like for it to be, lol.

    I choose the lippy over something edible. Later on down the road it'll be something different for reaching other goals. When I went to the mall to try and beat the heat, I could easily see that it could quite possibly be heels or clothes! lol Hey, after all this hard work, I WILL need new clothes to wear to fit my new body ;-)

    If you don't know it by now you'll soon learn, I can rationalize the hell outta anything!