Sunday, July 31, 2011

Kinda learned something I didn't know I learned...

So the vibrant brusher is always finding the yummies as we saw in my last post.  I soooo wanted to try that ice cream she was tormenting me with and I had decided not to.  Well, on Thursday night I went out to dinner with the BFF and we had a long painful chat and I made a few self discoveries that I really can't go into now, but let's just say, it was rough.  I needed comforting.  Yes, my morale didn't care about the beating that it had just taken the week before.  My feelings needed consoling, and they needed consoling NOW.  I reverted to old bad habits or is that bad old habits?


On the way home from seeing the BFF I decided that I was going to have me a pint of that Ben & Jerry's Red Velvet Cake Ice Cream.  Yes, I did it.  I went and had a pint of the diet crushing yummy nerve soothing delight.  I ate it slowly making sure to savor it and enjoy it.  Not once berating myself for my weakness in caving in and getting it.  I had decided I was going to have it because to focus on it and dwell on it was only going to make the desire for it worse.  Then when I finally would come to have some, it would only be ten times the guilt and shame.  Turns out, it was good.  I'm glad I had it when I did, because had I waited I would've built it up in my mind to be this fantastical, mystical thing that I wouldn't have been able to live without and then would've been so let down by.  As it was, it was just good and now that I've had it, I've had it.  I probably won't be revisiting it. 

And I'm not beating myself up over it either.  That's something new too.  Used to be that when I had a stumble I'd berate myself and really have a go at myself.  Making my faux pas just that much worse.   Instead, in this instance where I've come to accept it for what it is, I've moved on and regained my footing immediately, I'm good.  In times past I'd just say to myself  "Screw it, what's the point?".  Not so much this time.  I'm not sure exactly what the difference is this time around is, but I'm glad for it.

This time around feels better, I feel better.  More sure about what I'm doing.

I'll get there.  Eventually.  It doesn't have to be tomorrow.

I can live with the day after.

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